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Nate Hates Hot Coffee

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I’m sure I’ll catch all kinds of guff and/or flak for saying this, but here goes: I hate hot coffee. But you know what I love? Warm coffee. Same thing with hot chocolate. Hot chocolate: Bad. Warm chocolate: Best thing ever.

Hot coffee is too damn hot. It’s like sticking a branding iron in your mouth. You need a NASA-designed thermos with inch-thick styrofoam walls just to hold it, yet I’m supposed to drink this stuff?

What the heck is the point of pouring a cup of coffee if I can’t drink it for two hours? Can’t they figure out a way to serve it at room temperature so I can drink it right away?

And how is it that every time I take a sip to see if it’s cooled off enough, it’s still too hot? Doesn’t matter how long I wait. Ten minutes. Twenty minutes. Ninety minutes. It’s always still too hot. Every. Single. Time.

People are always trying to sell me on hot coffee: “Hot coffee smells soooo good!” Yeah, well so does a lilac bouquet, but I don’t want to drink it.

“Hot coffee wakes me up in the morning!” Yep, a blistered tongue will do that to you.

“Hey Nate, have you ever heard of Frappuccino?” Um, did I say I wanted cold coffee? I WANT WARM COFFEE!!!

(Deep breath.) Sorry, I got a little carried away there. See, this is what happens when I don’t get my caffeine fix.

Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to pour myself some hot coffee now and maybe, just maybe, it will be cooled-off enough to drink by the time I go to work tomorrow morning... twelve hours from now. But I’m not counting on it.

[End of rant. Thanks for reading this installment of “Nate Hates”, where Nate talks about stuff that he hates.]
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